thisisreal;thisisme.
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yourstruly,
My name is SAMSON.AXELANDER KO
24THDECEMBER1992 
thflashbacks,
October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 August 2010 November 2010 January 2011 February 2011
lovedbyme,
Samson Axelander Ahxiang -jeffrey.BABY♥♥♥ -fabian.barthez ♥♥♥ -siokyit.tan ♥♥♥ -blythe.kimberly ♥♥♥ -nicole.tan ♥♥♥ -XINYI.penguin ♥ -angeline.poh ♥
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Sunday, August 29, 2010
kay, i knw i suck. in every single way. as a son, as a grandson, as a nephew, as a brother, as a boyfriend, as a cousin, as a student, AS A PERSON. i tried and tried so hard. people don't see it. they never see the good in you. but when things go bad, all they blame is YOU. and by you, i mean ME. and every other person who feels like me. it's not until today that i realise that things can never go my way forever. i've caused my aunt to spend way too much money, i've caused my parents to wonder why they even gave birth to me, i've caused my sisters to hate me for whatever mistakes i've made, i've caused my cousin to lose her freedom, i've caused my boyfriend to lose his freedom, his family, his studies and even his friends. i've caused more than enough trouble for my teachers. and most importantly,i've caused myself a life. to whoever i may have failed, i'm utterly sorry. but one person i have to say a bigbig sorry to, is MYSELF. i've done so many things in life that i regret. i always point fingers. i am egoistic. i am selfish. but all i want is some happiness. i know that people around me loves me a lot. ; even too much. but i just don't feel it. i don't fking know what the fuck is wrong with myself. sometimes, i do certain things to prove myself. to prove that i'm not just a weakling. but in the course of doing that, i hurt others. and i am genuinely sorry. haven't been feeling good the whole day. i tried to cheer myself up. i feel guilty for what has happened. making people hate me is the last thing i wanna do. but i think i just made someone i looked upon as a sister detest me so much. so what if i have realised my mistakes? it's all too late now. i've done so many things to make my sisters hate me. but time and again, they've tried to tolerate my unruly behaviour. i take advantage of people to make myself happy. like my aunt. she is the person who treats me the best in this world apart from my late grandfather.but i treat her like shit. i don't appreciate the things that she's done for me and i just keep getting money from her.i don't treasure her love for me and my attitude towards her is so bad. and my parents.hah,i should be struck by lightning. after so long, i finally had a chat with my mum. but all she told me was the troubles my father was facing at work and at home. she told me that he was so stressed that he even cried himself to sleep. my father, the strong man that i know. cry? he cried not only because of work. but because of me as well. i thought that his love for me was lost long ago and he couldn't be bothered by my existence.but i guess i was wrong, again. only then, that i realise how stupid i am. and to my very best cousin. one move caused her a year of freedom. all because of me. my over-confident self. i had to drag someone down with me didn't i? how selfish can u get SAMSON GAO YU XIANG? i hate you. lastly, sorry baby. for controlling you so much, for being so dominant.so stubborn, so hurtful with the words i've used, so sacarstic, so insensitive. so to everyone out there whom i've ill treated before, here's a sorry. no amount of counselling/psychiatric sessions will be able to help me. i hate myself, and that's that. crying does help. good night people, i still have school tomorrow.
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