thisisreal;thisisme.
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yourstruly,
My name is SAMSON.AXELANDER KO
24THDECEMBER1992 
thflashbacks,
October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 August 2010 November 2010 January 2011 February 2011
lovedbyme,
Samson Axelander Ahxiang -jeffrey.BABY♥♥♥ -fabian.barthez ♥♥♥ -siokyit.tan ♥♥♥ -blythe.kimberly ♥♥♥ -nicole.tan ♥♥♥ -XINYI.penguin ♥ -angeline.poh ♥
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Monday, December 17, 2007
FUCK!i really really hate sarcastic people!now i know how mei sis felt about those sarcastic people.i you want to talk bad about me,talk to me right into my face.don't go around telling other people.you sarcastic freak,I HATE YOU!and you are none other then my father.ass hole.got a call from you asking if i have been out the whole day.then i said no.you then said,'oh,what time did you go out then?'then i said,i went to find mummy at the coffee shop and went home with her,going out again at around 4 plus.then you replied,"oh,you don't call that whole day?"fuck off la.5 hour is considered one whole day? okay,never mind.then you ask me where i was.then i told you that i was over at ahma's place having dinner because i did not have money.next,you said.'wah,dunnid to tell de ar?'why do you have to talk like that?having you around really dampens my mood.out of a sudden you are so concerned about me.it has been a very long time since the last time you called and talked to me in that manner.people that are reading this may think that i'm kicking a big fuss over a small matter.but i've had enough!i'm really very sick of things like that.you always complain to mummy saying:'wah,your childrens' room looks like a rubbish dump.and smells like it too.'WOW,YOU ARE ACTUALLY HAPPY THAT YOUR CHILDRENS' ROOM IS IN THAT MANNER,WHY DO YOU HAVE TO USE DESCRIPTIONS LIKE THAT?DO YOU REALLY HOPE THAT MY SISTER AND I LIVE LIFE IN THAT KIND OF ENVIRONMENT?and every time you flare up at mummy,she would come crying to us at times.if we are your target,tackle us.not my mother.yes i'm being sarcastic here.if you are reading this post,the better.i used to think that my father was the best and would go around telling people that i love my father more than i love my mother but it really looks like i'm wrong.you were the one who got me everything i wanted,always the one to help me when mummy disciplines me asking her to stop caning and stuffs.but you changed.you really changed.where is the father i used to love so much.i don't even call you when you come home now.i used to be so happy when you come home from work every night.i really miss my daddy.where have you gone?why are you such a monster now?i'm crying again.and why is that so?because i really love you.i love you.i love you. DADDY,i love you.you people may think i'm a weakling.always crying.yes!i admit.i'm weak.i have unstable emotions.where were you when i needed you most.when i fail in my exams,you never fail to scold me.never once tried to understand the reason behind things.this started ever since i was in secondary one.three years.i've endured your endless sarcastic remarks.i know.i'm useless.not meeting your expectations every time.my sisters suffered a worse fate than me under your hands and i know it.i know you love me most among your three children but daddy.why.why have you changed?was it because of stress at work?it is not that i do not understand that you have a lot of stress from work trying to make ends meet for this family.but you do not have to strain yourself to such an extent.you really do not have to.if your job gives you such pain,then quit.you may say easier said than done.no.quitting is easy.just type a resignation letter and give to you superior.it is not difficult.i do not need you to provide me with expenses.i can work.i really can.i do not want to give you stress.i do not.i really do not.cry cry cry.that's all i do.why am i so stupid?why am i so lazy?why can't i just ace my exams just to make you happy?why?i blame myself.i do.da gu always tell me.no one is blaming you so,you shouldn't blame yourself.but i know.you blame me.i know.i think you regret having this son.i always tell myself.i will work hard prove everyone wrong.people look down on me.i do not like it at all.i dislike being challenged.i scream i shout i cry in silence.nobody knows.only those who are reading this blog do.i am a person who likes to spend.and sometimes when i spend,i do not keep track of my budget or anything.i know you have spent a lot on me.i have let you down.i have let mummy down.i have also let da gu down.i really do not want to continue on like this.i'm going bonkers.seriously i am.i wanted to scold you really harshly on my blog.but how come i've become so sad,so filled with emotions?i really do not know.i feel like leaving this family.i have brought you happiness.and that was only when i was a baby.a innocent child who knew nothing until he began to understand the things of the world.countless tissue papers i've used for just this post.my tears may just fill a river.but do you know,you don't.the last time i broke down and cried silently in my room you saw and actually said i was shedding crocodile's tears because i've failed in my exams.who are you?i really do not know you anymore.where is my father?where is he?return my beloved father back to me.you are not my father.you are not.my elder sisters are seldom at home and they do not know what is going on they have to live their own lives and i do not want to be a burden to them.i do not want to be a burden to you and mummy too.needless to say,da gu too.da gu said she did not see me as a burden but i heard her say that she felt that i was.she might not have thought that i would have taken it to heart but i did and i do.it came out from her mouth and i heard it with my ears.why am i a burden.i know i am one.i am not blaming anyone.i'm just blaming myself.i'm such an ass.i do not want to be a burden.i always ask myself to change.but i end up the same.a useless being.i hate myself. crying.but no one cares.
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