thisisreal;thisisme.
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yourstruly,
My name is SAMSON.AXELANDER KO
24THDECEMBER1992 
thflashbacks,
October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 August 2010 November 2010 January 2011 February 2011
lovedbyme,
Samson Axelander Ahxiang -jeffrey.BABY♥♥♥ -fabian.barthez ♥♥♥ -siokyit.tan ♥♥♥ -blythe.kimberly ♥♥♥ -nicole.tan ♥♥♥ -XINYI.penguin ♥ -angeline.poh ♥
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Monday, February 28, 2011
I HAVE MOVED
Saturday, February 19, 2011
well, new blogskin still not done. nothing much to update tho. life is pretty much meaningless. there's tension everywhere and it sucks my school friends, my relationship, my close friends. everything. i need a new space for me to rant and write my thoughts. babyboy has a new blog which is under construction. should i make one too? uhhhh. exams coming up. /: life sucks.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
it's been a long long time since i've last updated. with that, two months have passed, so has my 18thbirthday. nothing much happened since. i'm inspired to start blogging actively again. but first, my blog needs revamping. shall blog again when i have everything ready :D
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
well, i haven't been blogging for a long long time. i mean, life haven't been very kind to me either. i really don't understand why life is so fucking cruel. i really hoped that everything would be fine. but apparently, it isn't. and never will be. i don't think anyone visits this space anymore so i think it should be quite private over here. my love life is a mess. i really tried and tried so hard but nothing would ever work. my babyboy. i love you so much. but i guess you'll never change. not for me, not for anyone. i've put in so much effort to mould you into the person that i would deem to be the best boyfriend in the world. but i guess that's not the way things work. i should never have tried to change you in the first place. you have all the rights to contact all the different people you meet or get to know of each day and i have no right to stop you. this is your life, not mine. i should really stop being such a nosy parker and mind my own business. because ignorance, is indeed a bliss. but i would just have to live a lie instead. i thought that i would rather know the truth in everything and have always demanded that from you. i don't know how many times you have lied to me, and i don't really care. but i just want you to know that i truly love you. true love? that's a lie too. looking at my own parents, it just shows me how fragile love can be. i thought that we were strong enough to pull through any difficulty. but i am wrong. again. i just hope that i could muster up all my courage and ask you for a breakup. but no. i am not that strong.and so i keep tolerating and tolerating. and i am suffering so much deep down. but do you understand any of that? i don't think so. you tell me that you've been trying to change. but where are the results? i cannot say that you've not changed at all through this 1year and 5 months. but isit enough? day by day, i feel myself getting weaker. and i don't know how much more of this betrayal i can withstand.i have told myself umpteen times to trust you with all my heart. but time and again, i am disappointed by your actions and lies. if you don't love me, i would appreciate it if you tell me straight to my face. and not play around with my heart like as if i wouldn't feel anything. you have said sorry multiple times too. but how many times have you really meant it? everytime i quarrel with you, i reflect upon myself and i try to change. i try to accommodate. but i don't see this going anywhere. i want to cry. so badly. but the tears aren't coming out.give me time baby, in time to come, you'll get your freedom back. you can return to your old ways again.nobody will try to restrain you. you will be able to go out with your friends for all you want, you'll be able to meet up with random guys you meet online for all you want. is that all that you want? i showered you with all my love. i've tried to pamper you with all the gifts. but it's never enough for you is it? i love you but i have to go. this will be the best for both of us.only now,that tears are starting to roll down my cheeks, i'm having mixed feelings. i'm happy, and i'm sad.on the first page of our story, the future seemed so bright. i hoped that the last page would shine too but i doubt so. live your life the way you want and i wish that god will bless you in everything that you do.only time will tell. iloveyou babyboy.and i don't want to be a broken hearted boy.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
kay, i knw i suck. in every single way. as a son, as a grandson, as a nephew, as a brother, as a boyfriend, as a cousin, as a student, AS A PERSON. i tried and tried so hard. people don't see it. they never see the good in you. but when things go bad, all they blame is YOU. and by you, i mean ME. and every other person who feels like me. it's not until today that i realise that things can never go my way forever. i've caused my aunt to spend way too much money, i've caused my parents to wonder why they even gave birth to me, i've caused my sisters to hate me for whatever mistakes i've made, i've caused my cousin to lose her freedom, i've caused my boyfriend to lose his freedom, his family, his studies and even his friends. i've caused more than enough trouble for my teachers. and most importantly,i've caused myself a life. to whoever i may have failed, i'm utterly sorry. but one person i have to say a bigbig sorry to, is MYSELF. i've done so many things in life that i regret. i always point fingers. i am egoistic. i am selfish. but all i want is some happiness. i know that people around me loves me a lot. ; even too much. but i just don't feel it. i don't fking know what the fuck is wrong with myself. sometimes, i do certain things to prove myself. to prove that i'm not just a weakling. but in the course of doing that, i hurt others. and i am genuinely sorry. haven't been feeling good the whole day. i tried to cheer myself up. i feel guilty for what has happened. making people hate me is the last thing i wanna do. but i think i just made someone i looked upon as a sister detest me so much. so what if i have realised my mistakes? it's all too late now. i've done so many things to make my sisters hate me. but time and again, they've tried to tolerate my unruly behaviour. i take advantage of people to make myself happy. like my aunt. she is the person who treats me the best in this world apart from my late grandfather.but i treat her like shit. i don't appreciate the things that she's done for me and i just keep getting money from her.i don't treasure her love for me and my attitude towards her is so bad. and my parents.hah,i should be struck by lightning. after so long, i finally had a chat with my mum. but all she told me was the troubles my father was facing at work and at home. she told me that he was so stressed that he even cried himself to sleep. my father, the strong man that i know. cry? he cried not only because of work. but because of me as well. i thought that his love for me was lost long ago and he couldn't be bothered by my existence.but i guess i was wrong, again. only then, that i realise how stupid i am. and to my very best cousin. one move caused her a year of freedom. all because of me. my over-confident self. i had to drag someone down with me didn't i? how selfish can u get SAMSON GAO YU XIANG? i hate you. lastly, sorry baby. for controlling you so much, for being so dominant.so stubborn, so hurtful with the words i've used, so sacarstic, so insensitive. so to everyone out there whom i've ill treated before, here's a sorry. no amount of counselling/psychiatric sessions will be able to help me. i hate myself, and that's that. crying does help. good night people, i still have school tomorrow.
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
happy 300 days baby, and coincidentally this is my number 300 post on this blog. babe,the things that we've went through is more than a lot of couples our age i must say. the commitments, the trust, the love. although we've been together for barely a year, it seems like forever. and i cherish every moment spent in your embrace. you bring me absolute joy. my life would really suck without u. not to mention the quarreling parts. i totally hate to squabble with u. that feeling sucks.so i'll like to keep it that way. that we stop quarreling as often. u know that i love you boy. :) so this post is dedicated to you. lets work hard together towards our forever. I LOVE YOU, jeffreyNYJ <3
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